"Until I Knew Myself" by Tammy L. Gray

I’ve been wanting to try this author for a while, and I’ve seen a lot of positive reviews and recommendations for this series in particular. I dug in with much excitement when the first book crossed my path.

Tyler Mitchell feels like he’s missing part of himself. There are so many questions about his past, his family background. Raised only by his mother, he was alone in the world when she died when he was 16. Thankfully his best friend’s family took him in, but even nine years later he’s struggling with knowing who he is - the poor orphan or the adopted son of an affluent family. When he hears that his paternal grandfather, whom he never met, has died and left him his belongings, Tyler grasps at anything that might bridge this gulf he feels in his heart.

Gray has crafted a very realistic novel about hurting people and traps that we can fall into when our most vulnerable selves are crying out. This book did not seem like the first in a series, as the web of relationships was quite thick from the very beginning. Tyler’s quest to connect with his past causes quite a bit of tension among his friends and adopted family, and he wonders why they seem to stand against him finding answers.

I did take some issue with the fact that this is listed as inspirational fiction. There is only one character who I could tell was a Christian, and there was only one single conversation about God that came 75% of the way through the book. I felt the lack of faith content, and as a more conservative reader, I didn’t like the cursing, frequent drinking, or the way the characters who were supposedly best friends treated each other. There was a lot of tension, a lot of fighting, a lot of alternating anger and coldness. I was so turned off that I do not plan to read any more of this series, though I may check out some of Gray’s others in the future.

I can see people enjoying this book who like gritty fiction with a dose of real world problems.