"A Friend In Me" by Pamela Havey Lau

The subtitle of this book caught my attention immediately: "How To Be a Safe Haven For Other Women." I have been blessed with those who have been safe havens for me, and my desire as a sister, teacher, and friend myself is to develop relationships that would foster safety and closeness. I was hoping that this book would be helpful in encouraging me or showing me other ways to open doors with the women in my life.

Unfortunately from the second chapter I got a vibe that I just couldn't shake for the rest of the book. The author describes how she was at church one Sunday and could tell something was wrong with a friend, but when she asked about the problem the friend didn't want to say what was going on. So the author told her, "If you can't tell me the truth, we can't be close friends" (page 44). Say what? That is a very emotionally manipulative statement and not the kind of thing that we should be promoting as good communication. Any sign of manipulation is a huge red flag for me, and I wanted to stop reading the book right then and there.

I was also disappointed with the content in the fact that there wasn't much besides common sense in how to form close relationships. Live well ourselves, be forgiving, be vulnerable, don't try to fix people but encourage them where they are. All fellow Christians need encouragement, and as women we can do much to help our sisters in Christ along the way.

There were some quotes that I really thought were good. "As adults, we can't expect others to read our minds, so we must name our grief out loud. This is not a sign of weakness, but of humility" (page 81). I often struggle with speaking my personal pain and inviting others to share it with me. Learning to ask for help when you have a caretaker personality is an ongoing process. I also really liked this thought from page 181: "I believe the more you and I know for ourselves God's loyal love in the depths of ourselves, the more able we will be to model and teach it to others." That is so good!

My very favorite quote came from Chapter Four: "Women who are comforted can comfort others." Let us each seek to look to God for His comfort, embrace those He has placed around us for community, and in turn be bastions of safety and hope for those in our lives.



I received my copy of the book from LitFuse Publicity in exchange for this honest review. All opinions are my own.